Matthew: Chapter 5:1-12

1. And seeing the multitudes, Raptor Jesus went up into a mountain, and when he was set, his disciples came unto him.
2. And he opened his fearsome mouth, and taught them, saying:
3. Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of cretaceous heaven.
4. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5. Blessed are the herbivorous prey, for they shall inherit the earth.
6. Blessed are they which do hunger and third after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
7. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
8. Blessed are the pure of heart: for they shall see Jurassic God.
9. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the hatchlings of Jurassic God.
10. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11. Blessed are ye, when men and dinosaur shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely; for my sake.
12. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad: for great is your reward in cretaceous heaven for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.